Of riparian dishes

My peolpe, you very well know that I am a research guy and my contribution to science is immense and speaks for itself and I need not mention the various Nobels that I am lined up to receive.

My recent research, which has seen a recent major breakthrough was centered around “Soupy Dishes in Contemporary Central Kenya.” One thing you ought to know is that Dishes in Central Kenya have not always been characterized by copious amounts of water.

Long long ago, going back to the period they climbed down trees in Congo, guys in this part of the country used to cook exclusively dry crunchy food. Common meals included real compact mùkimo that required a chisel to chop pieces away, roast ngwacì, ndùma and mìtahato(roast bananas the size of a well built man’s forearm).I have been trying to figure out the point at which the rain started beating us with all its water ending into our sufurias.

It is a grave issue this. An issue that yours truly deemed fit to allocate scarce time, resources and hard work to try and unravel. This issue of water in food is so serious that I must say you should let no one lie to you that the noon and twilight low tides in the Kenyan Coast  are as a result of gravitation moon and sun forces. Nada! These are a direct result of diminished Thagana river volumes as guys up there in the mountains use the water for cooking twice a day; lunchtime and dinner.

My research therefore sheds light into this debate and exonerates my people from being taunted as aquaphilic when it comes to culinary matters. It is an evolution issue. You remember Lamarck’s theory of evolution? No? Don’t worry, I knew you can’t remember.

Lamarck is the guy who told us that giraffes were created with very short necks (almost neckless) but ended up with very long ones as a result of their reckless behaviour feeding on leaves from tall tree twigs as opposed to eating grass on the ground.

I did mention as I started that our people used to cook and prepare perfectly dry meals. Cabbage and Irish potatoes had not arrived.Neither had carrot and minji. The only available vegetables, or greens by today’s vocabulary, were black night shade, stinging nettle and Mùhika na ihu. Vegetables that no sane person would add water to.

So, how did food and meals evolve from being entirely dry to what you are referring as to riparian?

As mothers, who mostly did the cooking, watched their husbands and kids eating day in day out and saw them struggle to push lumps of Mùkimo or Ndùma down the throats, sometimes wiggling in discomfort and almost choking as the dry food went down the equally dry esophagus, survival instincts and need for self preservation kicked in and they started adding just a little water to the food to ease the swallowing process. And the husbands felt that the water in food was good. And they coined the words “nyongerera gathufu” (niongezee supu kidogo.)

Having solved the small matter of having to be acutely conscious about boluses of food crawling leisurely down the seemingly meandrous esophagus, mothers would pass down these traits to their daughters and just like Lamarck’s giraffes, a little water in food evolved into lakes.